


Fantasy Giant Eagle is the Worst Public Place to Hit on the Wrong Person (By Fallout Boy)

by Wolfskater63



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Barold Fucked up ya'll, Family Dinner, Gen, Mistaken Identity, Taako continues to give everyone shit especially Barry, funny mistakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2019-01-19 21:24:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12418452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfskater63/pseuds/Wolfskater63
Summary: All Barry wanted was some Fantasy Instant Noodles TM, what he got instead was a big ol' helping of "You're never going to live this down" teasing from Taako. And then of course everyone else because his family was made up entirely of assholes. And no he never does get ins fantasy instant noodles.





	Fantasy Giant Eagle is the Worst Public Place to Hit on the Wrong Person (By Fallout Boy)

**Author's Note:**

> I shit you not this started out as something I wrote for my fiction workshop class. At actual college. That I turned in. And had my professor read. But only the first 500 words or so. The finished product is much longer.

He was going through the aisles of the newly opened Fantasy Market District Giant Eagle, stocking up on fantasy instant noodles, when he thought he saw her. Further down, back to him, was the silhouette of his girlfriend. It was odd that she would be in the grocery store this close to their family dinner that night and not at home helping her brother cook, but it was possible they had forgotten a few ingredients.

He had to make sure though; judgmentally trying to decide between two generic brands of soy sauce? Check. Outrageous outfit consisting of an orange skirt, purple leggings, and a lime green crop top that she was totally working? Check. Long dyed blond hair pulled into a messy bun with her wand sticking through it? Check.

It was definitely her, and a smile formed across his face as he walked up to her. “Hey babe, I didn’t think I’d see you till tonight,” he slipped an arm around her waist, being smooth for once in his life.

“Barold what are you doing? Are you trying to cheat on my sister with me?” the person who’s hips he had his hands on accused, voice ever so slightly different from Lup’s, and it didn’t take him seeing Taako’s face to realize he had made a grave mistake.

“Shit, I saw you from behind, I thought you were Lup,” he back tracked, stepping away from him very quickly.

“I can’t believe it, this whole time you’ve been in love with me and dating my sister? I mean I can because it’s me, but why didn’t you just tell me from the start instead of playing with her emotions? And don’t you know my heart already belongs to Kravitz?” Taako’s laughing tone, and poorly concealed grin gave away the fact that he wasn’t serious, but he acted scandalized all the same.

“For fucks sake Taako, you know that’s not what I meant!” Barry was exasperated, almost every interaction he had with his girlfriend’s brother was like this, and as much as he loved him, it was getting to be a bit ridiculous.

“Nope, it’s too late now, I’m telling my sister about this, she’s going to be very upset to hear that. Also, Kravitz will be so upset thinking you’re trying to steal me away from him.”

“I don’t think he has to worry.”

“Oh yes! He and Lup can have each other now that you have me!” Taako looked way to enthusiastic about the idea of switching boyfriends with his sister. Barry sighed and resigned himself to his fate of having to deal with this being brought up now every time Taako wanted to annoy him. 

He turned around to walk away, fantasy instant noodles in hand, done dealing with Taako's shit till later that night. It seem though that the elf had other plans. "Where are you going with those Barold? You can't eat that junk, it doesn't matter if you're dating me or my sister. It's really insulting to see you eating terrible processed food when we cook such lovely meals for you!"

"Taako, I've seen you eaten half frozen fantasy toaster strudels at three in the goddamn morning."

"Not the point, the point is you aren't getting those and we are going home now so I can tell my sister that you have finally come to your senses and have chosen me over her," he declares loudly, taking the food out of Barry's hand and dragging him towards the checkout counter. 

Barry briefly considered killing himself so he wouldn't have to deal with this. But then he remembered that he was a lich, and him not having a physical body wouldn't stop them. And it would probably just make Lup mad. So he didn't have a way out, he'd have to deal with this for the rest of eternity. 

While he's busy contemplating his new life reality, Taako has dragged him all the way to the checkout counter, and was in the middle of putting his items on the counter. Still clutching to Barry with one arm, making them look very much like a couple. Barry doesn't notice this but the cashier does. "Are you two together?" she asked politely.

"Well, we weren't before, but Barold here just admitted that he's loved me this whole time and not my sister so we might be soon enough," Taako tells the cashier, who probably doesn't realize that he's joking. And Barry sends a quick prayer to the Raven Queen, asking her to take back his pardon and lock him in the Eternal Stockade.

* * *

What he's subjected to when Taako drags him home is not much better. His arm is finally released when Taako dramatically draped himself over his sister, dropping the bags as he crossed through the front door. "Lulu, you'll never believe what your terrible boyfriend did!" 

"What are you blaming Barry for now?" she asked, giving a sympathetic glance over at him. 

"He hit on me in Fantasy Market District Giant Eagle!" 

"Barold J. Bluejeans you did what?!" Lup shrieked and sent an accusatory glare his way. 

"I thought he was you!" he tried to defend. 

"You've known us for over  **100** years and you still thought HE WAS ME?" her voice read as upset, her face didn't. 

"All I saw was him from behind, and you both have a similar fashion sense, and the same hairstyle right now!" he tried so so hard to defend himself. But he already knew it would be in vain. 

"Lies! Just admit you've finally come to your senses like all people will in the end and recognize me as the better twin. And in doing such have fallen in love with me."

Barry sighed and ran his hand down his face. Taako's ego was not something that could be argued against. Luckily though he just has to deal with the twins ribbing for a few hours and by the time the rest of the family shows up they'll be too eager to catch up that they'll hopefully forget about this incident for the time being.

Except he's not so lucky, because as soon as he thinks this thought, Magnus is walking into the house, followed by one of his dogs, and holding a package that probably has a wooden duck in it. 

 "Hey guys, I'm not too early am I?" he asks, looking like he doesn't particularly care if he is in fact too early.

"Oh Mags! So glad you're here so you can't here about this!" Taako launched himself towards Magnus, "Barold has finally admitted his love for me."

"Barry you're in love with Taako?" Magnus, Istus help him, looked confused as he glanced back and forth between Barry, Taako, and Lup who looked like she was trying very hard not to laugh.

"No, I thought he was Lup," Barry explained, getting really tired of telling this story.

"But Barry, you were the first one who was able to tell them apart! How did you get them mixed up?" 

"I know right?!" Lup yelled, finally dissolving into laughter. And she continued to laugh as her brother threw himself onto her boyfriend and started dramatically talking about how their love was a forbidden one, and they'd have to run away to be together, and it would break their loved one's hearts for sure, but maybe it would be worth it. 

In all honestly Barry was starting to feel less like a human and more like a prop for Taako's theatrics. Which of course everyone had gone through before, himself included, but it still wasn't a position you wanted to be in. Especially when it caused dinner to stop being worked on, sitting their unfinished, as the rest of their family (mostly just the IPRE crew this time, although Kravitz and Angus were expected as well) showed up.

Taako had even gotten Lucretia in on the teasing. Barry was pretty sure it couldn't get any worse than this when he remembered that he had left the Fantasy Market District Giant Eagle empty handed. 

Next time he was going to Fantasy Shop n' Save instead. 


End file.
